I could have described myself as “an energetic and versatile problem-solver who combines Russian resourcefulness with western reliability and efficiency…”. That too would be true. But not my style.
The issue is that as of recent I’ve been pointlessly staring at the monitor reading jokes or watching porn unable to put myself in gear for hours and days and weeks. Based on previous years I will be in this state of mind and soul till about April, till first grass and flowers come out. Thus my interest in associating myself with someone who has not fallen victim to Moscow gloom and lethargy, and who will tell me what to do and when. I’m not saying that I need to be micromanaged but I’d like to have someone setting goals and objectives while I would be enjoying the luxury of having clearly set goals, fixed work hours, and a guaranteed pay.
Here are some examples of what could do:
- Translating/interpreting. Technology, finance, or marketing. I can comfortably do 3-4 hours of interpreting per day, or translate 3-5 pages per day with “better than average” quality.
- Searching for information. Archive work. Are you a writer needing background for your story? My involvement would spare you routine technical tasks and make it easier to concentrate on creative aspect of your work. I can search for persons. Or graves. Or rare items to buy. Market reviews and reports. Poking nose into things is something I do well naturally and effortlessly.
- Office management. I can do anything related to setting up and running a small office, from renting space to making sure your staff does not run out of paper clips and thumb screws.
- Website management, from setting it up to filling it with content.
- At this stage of my life I would particularly enjoy doing something simple or downright stupid like driving, acting as an errand boy, or taking on a challenge of serving humanity in the capacity of night watchman. Being a gardener would be a dream of a job! Except it probably pays less than what it would take to cover my bills.
- Organizing and leading trips, especially thematic ones (cultural, religious, historic, “eco”, “authentic”), low budget (including camping), or extreme (eg. “Winter is the Soul of Russia”). The weirder the better.
- I can do business trips on your behalf to save you time and frustration of FSU travel. I’m entirely comfortable with low-budget travel too. I have enough of an intuitive understanding of local environment not to need any planning or hotel reservations or other such nonsense.
- Inspections and audits. Put my ugly character, which includes taking pleasure in fault-finding, to good use. Hire me to see what your local employees are doing to your brand and reputation!
- Sales. I’ve never sold anything other than my own services but have always wanted to stand behind the counter, Brezhnev-era Russian country market style.
- Property management. I’m a landlord myself and how to work with hardware, tenants, and government authorities..
- I can deal with the Russian bureaucracy provided I’m shielded from it by the fact it is just my job.
- Teaching English to your staff. They may end up speaking with my scratchy accent. But the learning curve will be steep. The core of my method is to identify, almost aggressively, what exactly my student need in their life and work. That’s where we start. Nothing extra. No grammar. Only what can be put to use right away. This way they stay motivated. Kind of dirty, yes. But effective. After a few sessions with me people can easily claim that they’ve been studying English for years. Borders on dishonesty but one thing Russia has taught me is to cut corners to get the job done.
- Or I can do survival Russian. Same approach – only what can be put to immediate use. No case endings. No subtleties of pronouncing Russian vowels. Only what you need here and now.
Assignment or part time. Flexible. Nearly full time is possible for a couple of months. On the whole I’m sort of free till end of May. At the moment however I’m prepared to commit myself for two to three months. It is entirely possible I’ve lost my ability to do regular work. My last serious office assignment was around 1997, when I was hired to help one of ringroad bandit companies in Washington to go through allocated funds by pretending to compile a dictionary. So I’d like to try it first before committing myself for any extended time.
The pay I expect would be around $15-18/hour for more-or-less regular work. More ($25-30/hour) for one-time errands. I’m flexible as far as pay goes if the job is right. Or, if the pay is right, I will consider a wider range of jobs. Offer me “meaningful” work or something high on the aesthetic scale – and I won’t be too greedy. And vice versa. .
Vehicle available. Beaten up and ugly but large and reliable. Accident-free driving record since 1981. Russian road wars experience since 1993 on top of conservative Canadian driving style I was introduced to driving in. I may be an excellent driver for taking your kids to school but not a fast-paced businessman around Moscow.
Many of my clients I’m sure will give me excellent reference. A good place to read about my reputation is my totally uncensored notice board at www.unclepasha.com/guestbook.htm
See my CV at www.unclepasha.com/services/resume.htm It hasn’t been updated for over 10 years but I don’t think there have been any major changes except that I’ve given up on the rural tourism and horse riding project. The project is still alive but I’m not longer actively involved.
Finally, some disclaimers. I’ve always been a hunter-gatherer. I’ve never had a serious regular job. Probably I will not fit well into modern office environment. I dress sloppily. I washed my car a total of 7 times in the last 30 years. I’m a bit of an asocial type. I’m unlikely to participate in office parties and activities to build the team spirit. Organizing these is no problem though, and event management can be added to the list above if I haven’t mentioned it already. But spare me to be on the receiving end of it.
Write firstname.lastname@example.org or call +7 985 217 3241.
This is me. Winter 2009, the latest “I want a real job like all normal people” attack. Alexandra got me to do some editing at First of September – a publishing house that specializes in school texts. Attending there once a week was not a problem. Three weeks in a row. Then somehow I managed to get downgraded to being Alexandra’s personal driver and coffee boy..